Poem: I Fall Short

I apologize, Readers, for my extended absence. I have been working on a special project that I am very much looking forward to sharing with you all, and it’s taken up much of my attention. I also have been endlessly, soul-crushingly job hunting. I believe I have now applied at thirteen or fourteen places, and only two have even bothered to respond in order to reject me. One of them was something of a dream job for me, and for once I was completely qualified for it, and they did not even take two full days to tell me they had no interest in me as a candidate. That job listing is still up, which almost seems worse, because it’s like even not knowing what kind of applicant they might end up getting is better than giving me an interview. It has been an incredibly disheartening effort.
So today, I am going to share with you an old poem that rather sums up my feelings lately. It’s so strange to me sometimes, to re-read some of my old poetry and remember what inspired me to write it, but then to realize how well it has come to apply to different things at a different time in my life. Apparently I was an insightful little punk haha.

I Fall Short

I stretch my hand
my fingers feel a phantom brush
a butterfly kiss on my skin
that isn’t quite there
again

I hear the wind sigh around me
just a little farther
and it tries to lift me up
granting me half-formed wings
but I always fall short
it seems

The wise trees nod their heads
wisely
their gnarled countenances unsurprised
their green leaves tsking in agreement
the whole copse swaying disappointed
a picture of bereavement

The river runs swiftly by
sighing rippling sighs
babbling and laughing over rocks
at me
playfully teasing my failure
with fluid hilarity

The emerald blades below
ripple with disapproval
tickling my feet of clay
so I will leave the ground
and finally
be on my way

They keep misunderstanding
like if I reached a little farther
jumped a little higher
worked a little harder
it would be easily in my grasp
nature is demanding
don’t quit

Yet the earth just doesn’t get
I can see the blue of the sky
but I will never feel it
my visions always exceed my range
I am tired of always leaping
for something that will never change

So I fall short
back to the earth
a hostile, unwilling host
to gaze up at the sky
a stunningly blue, eternal almost

Just a quick PS, I have created a tumblr page to post my writing on, so if you are on tumblr please go and follow my tumblr page!

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Poem: How You Know

So I’m still feeling depressed and lost over my sweet baby Boo, and I don’t feel like trying to laugh and be funny. So I’m just going to throw an old poem your way that is appropriately angsty. Also, there is profanity, so proceed with caution.

How You Know

Is this what falling in love is like?
Joy distilled naturally to its purest form
The searing expansion of warmth
that makes your chest feel like it will imminently explode
Like you get when you finish a damn good book
A chronic contraction at the corners of your mouth
That leaves your lips twitching constantly
Especially when you stand there stupidly unaware of it
Is this what falling in love feels like?
The repetitive, horrifying plunge
Over and over and over and over and over and over
Where you go stumbling and plummeting off every cliff you find
Yet the laws of gravity and nature itself don’t seem to apply to him
And he goes strolling casually along right above
The heels over your head
So he is walking on water and can’t seem to do any wrong
Permanent enough to let you regain your feet
Oh god, is this what falling in unrequited love is like?
Eternally off-balance because
Something isn’t right inside your head
And you go tumbling into sporadic pitfalls
Of his eyes and his laugh and his voice and his hands
And the goddamn way his path is paved perfectly smooth and
He never falls into you
I’ve told myself yes and I’ve told myself no
And forced myself to let him go
But he’ll never just go
Is that how you know?
This isn’t a damn good book someone has already penned
There’s no definitive, answered end
But, oh god, I’m afraid that’s how you know