My Year in Facebook Statuses

2013

JANUARY

4thFirst day of spring semester, booo- Oh, wait. That’s right. I DON’T HAVE CLASS ON FRIDAYS, YEEEEEEEEAH SENIOR YEAR. On the other hand, this is my last semester of college, omg.

7th– I’ve coined the perfect name for people who hate naps: haterZzzzz.

8th– Overheard at work today from a five year old: “I love her and she’s going to be my only girlfriend forever. We’re going to buy a house, it needs to have at least four bedrooms. It’s gonna be really nice.” Glad to see an upstanding youth getting his life sorted early.

10th–  I realized a sad truth today- sweater tights were not made for thunder thighs.

18th– I’ve ventured into the strange and terrifying world of simply blogging, without the bargainy outfity thingy. Two posts await your perusal, if you are so inclined.

21st– I love mornings with my kitties. Cuddled with my Boo baby and then shared a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats with Finn because he’s a freak. Just makes the rest of my day brighter when it starts with my boys. #CrazyCatLadyPerks

29th– “The logic of the rebel is to want to serve justice so as not to add to the injustice of the human condition, to insist on plain language so as not to increase the universal falsehood, and to wager, in spite of human misery, for happiness.”- Albert Camus, The Rebel. Ohhh, Camus, you so often make my brain melt but every once and awhile you throw out something I can really get behind.

31st– Got dressed this morning at 8:30. Just now realized that my belt wasn’t even in a couple of the loops on my pants. Why am I writing a fashion blog again?

FEBRUARY

6th– Just drove past a scruffy old guy wearing a Statue of Liberty outfit with a flag stuck in the crown and playing some kind of guitar/ukelele, standing on the side of the road, who proceeded to point at me as if to say, “What up, bro!” In four years, this is officially one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in Chickasha.

10th– As befits a consummate Facebook creeper such as myself, I have just spent thirty minutes creeping my own Facebook. I have come to the conclusion that, 1. I was not a worthwhile human being until at least senior year of high school, 2. I had a bewildering amount of angst between 2006-2008, and 3. I should be much more forgiving of young girls who post things they shouldn’t on Facebook because, good lord, Young Me, learn to hush.

24th– Got toothpaste in my eye this morning. Toothpaste. In my eye. What am I doing wrong, world?

27th– From the mouth of a five year old: “I’m drinking dungeon juice! It tastes like metal…. and prisoners. It’s delicious!” Wha….????

MARCH

11th– Reasons I Love My School No. 28: There are people fencing on the Oval. — at University of Science and Arts of Oklahoma.

13th– Maybe it’s bragging to post it on Facebook, but I found out today that I’m receiving the Distinguished Graduate Award for the Division of Arts and Humanities (ooh, fancy!) and I’m just so honored. Or, less formally, I’M SO EXCITED AND I JUST CAN’T HIDE IT!!!!

28th– If you’ve ever happened to wonder what I do in my free time, let me give you an idea. Today I watched The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on my phone while hot gluing a headband with a bow on it. Being perpetually single is a committed effort, guys.

APRIL

2nd– To sleep or not to sleep–that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous schoolwork, or to take arms against a sea of classes and by ignoring end them. To nap, to sleep–No morning class–and by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to early in the morning. ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

3rd– Tiffany Cordova: “Butter knives are a gateway knife.”

9th– So I was honored today with three different awards (Distinguished Graduate in Arts and Humanities, Stuart Meltzer English Scholarship, and Graduate with Honors), and I felt pretty proud of my life. I then proceeded to nearly break my toe by walking into a cart at Atwood’s. Fame totally hasn’t changed me, guys, don’t worry.

12th– Crazy Cat Lady Tip No. 27: Get cats that are fat, because when you grab them and cradle them on their backs in your arms to forcibly cuddle them, their own weight makes it nearly impossible for them to get up and escape. Gravity: a helpful friend of the CCL.

14th– I got on Facebook today while taking a break from writing my approximately 25 page paper over Albert Camus and absurdist theory, and there were THREE notifications in my little side area thing of people getting engaged. I think Facebook is doing this on purpose because it’s silently judging my perpetually “Single” relationship status. FORGET YOU, FACEBOOK, MY 4.0 GPA IS MY BOYFRIEND. I’m going back to my books and my cats now.

15th– My last ever week of school has commenced.

17th– You know it’s finals week when you see more than one person taking stumbling steps through the Oval, until they finally come to a stop to stare at papers in their hands with a look of despair before trudging, defeated, towards class.

18th– Three and a half years I’ve worked at Epworth Day School, and they’ve been some of the most frustrating, enlightening, happiest, and worthwhile times of my life. I’m absolutely heartbroken to say goodbye, but I will never forget this incredibly important and rewarding chapter in my life.

19th– It’s 6:18 in the morning. I have not slept. I have 33 full pages written for my senior seminar paper over Albert Camus and his theory of absurdism. I do not know if those pages are of good quality; I do not know if my argument is sound, or even coherent. What I do know is that I have dedicated four months of my life to this, and I have nothing left to give. As of now, Camus and this paper and I are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together.

19th– I cannot say thank you enough to all the wonderful people who came to support me tonight at my graduation, I have the best family and friends in the world!!

20th– Well, University of Science and Arts of Oklahoma, it’s been real. I am officially graduated and moved out, so I guess it’s time to say goodbye. Thanks for everything.

27th– Me: “What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?” Rachel: “Sharp cheddar!” Me: “Sharp cheddar…that’s what kind of tea is hard to swallow…” Rae: “Ohhh, I thought you said what kind of CHEESE!”

27th– BREAKING NEWS: I possibly broke my nose playing indoor. It sure looks wonky enough to be broken. Updates to follow. (Do you see what I did there? I made a pun. Breaking news…because I think I broke my nose. I’d like to see you make a pun right after your nose got potentially broken. Dedication to my English degree, right there.)

28th– NON-BREAKING NEWS: Sadly, it looks like I have the much less exciting nasal contusion as opposed to a broken nose. Can’t be 100% sure without a CT scan, but the doctor felt there was no point in doing that since they can’t really do anything for it anyway. Alas, all my English puns were for nothing.

MAY

1st– Trying to write a resume. Soul slowly dying.

4th– I almost killed Richard O’Rourke and myself tonight by driving the wrong way down a street. I figure that’s a pretty good sendoff for him before he goes back to Ireland.

21st– I love my state. Oklahoma Strong.

25th– Walked into the living room this morning and my dad was watching the video for Demi Lovato’s “Heart Attack” and just singing the words “heart attack” over and over. I have the best dad ever, all other dads can go home.

29th– I can’t believe it, but it has been one year since I started my bargain fashion blog. That means it’s been one whole year of me blowing up your Facebook with my clothes and my words. And, boy, am I looking forward to another year of doing so. I’m SURE you are, too.

31st– I have honestly never been so scared in my life as I was this evening, but by a miracle all family and pets are safe and our house is fine. We have lots of downed trees and debris and we’re worried about flooding, along with the power being out in all of town. But as of right now, just feeling so incredibly grateful.

JUNE

4th– Day 4 of the past 5 without power… Getting real tired of trying to put makeup on in the dark.

5th– Attempting to curl my hair again after almost a week of no power and constant buns. It appears to have forgotten its old life where I sometimes styled it, and is now refusing to take up those shackles again. It simply won’t acknowledge that I am curling it, no matter how much hairspray I use to persuade it.

8th– Total number of views on my blog for today- 323. My dad’s suggestion: “Why don’t you send your blog into a publishing company, make some money off that thing.” Thank you so much to everyone who read and shared my blog, you guys make it worthwhile!!!

11th– I know summer has officially started when I’ve looked at my legs while wearing sunglasses and got excited because I had a tan already, but then remembered I don’t.

13th– You know it’s hot when your dad answers the phone with “Golly gee willikers, Batgirl, my goose is cooked.”

17th– Sitting at home in my sweaty workout clothes wondering why I ever was excited about doing Zumba.

25th– Nerdy thought of the day: The best thing about reading so many books that I honestly can’t remember them all anymore is that after a year or two I can unearth them, and then I get to experience the joy of reading them again like they’re new.

29th– Three indoor soccer games in three days… My body is laughing scornfully at my foolishness.

JULY

1st– I hate you, job searching. You only serve to remind me that I’m apparently qualified to do nothing but soul-crushing, menial labor.

8th– So I just found out that my four time great-grandfather was named Augustus Leonidas. My family officially wins the coolest name ever award.

11th– Rachel Rowe: “You know what you get from bad boys? Herpes.” Ah, the words of wisdom I am gifted with from my big sister at nearly three in the morning.

22nd– *Sarcastic comment about not caring about the royal baby yet obviously caring enough to mention it* = people on my social media feeds today. #icare #noshame #royallove

24th– There is a man with a tiny grill grilling in the parking lot of our hotel whilst wearing a shirt that says “hustler” on it. Oh, Galveston, I missed you.

26th– I’m pretty sure that Boston Market is a gift of ambrosia from the gods, and the fact that there are none in Oklahoma is punishment for every bad thing I’ve done in all my past lives.

29th– I had a dream that a nice, cute boy asked me out on a date in an adorable way, and when I woke up I was so excited that I had half-written a text to tell people that I got asked out on a date until I realized I was still half-asleep and my life is very, very sad.

AUGUST

7th– It’s 2:20 in the morning, and I am lounging on my couch in utter, perfect bliss because I DVRed Whose Line Is It Anyway? earlier today, and now I can fast forward through the commercials. This is what true happiness feels like, guys.

7th– That’s right, folks, it’s time again for that moment every night when Sara thinks her hair is a spider and tries to smash it.

8th– Job-hunting inevitably leads me to the same conclusion over and over again– life would be so much easier if I were a cat.

15th– I made a most bewildering discovery just now– Chick-fil-a has complimentary mouth wash in their bathroom.

17th– If you are getting married and need help planning your wedding, please take a look at my wedding board on Pinterest and consider hiring me for the job. Because–and I’m getting pretty sure of this– I think this is my calling.

22nd– It’s not even 9am on my birthday and I’ve actually been voluntarily awake for almost an hour. This is what becoming an adult is like, isn’t it.

22nd– It’s officially the best birthday ever, I got a Blake Griffin OU jersey for ten bucks, and a lady in Academy straight up just had a monkey.

22nd– I don’t know about you, but I’m feelin’ 22!….Aaaand like Taylor Swift really needs to start singing some age appropriate songs. Like, seriously girl, get it together.

30th– Just watched Up for the first time ever… I don’t know whether my heart is broken or just so full it hurts.

31st– That awkward moment when you’re watching college football and you realize that from here on out, you’re going to be older than pretty much every player.

SEPTEMBER

1st– For the first time in 18 years, August is over and I’m not going back to school. Brb, having an existential crisis.

5th– It is physically painful for me to watch Amanda Bynes play soccer with her hair down in She’s The Man. Truthfully, it’s painful to watch most of the soccer scenes in that movie, and yet for some reason I still enjoy it.

8th– 16 years ago, we took a scared little kitten home who was only supposed to stay a week until we could find another owner. I had no idea then that the scared little kitten would become the love of my life. Today, one of the best and most beautiful parts of my soul passed away, and the depth of my grief is simply impossible to put in words. So all I can say is that I will love you forever my precious Boo baby, and there will never be another cat as perfect as you.

12th– Had a blast at my first practice as assistant coach to Brenna Skillern and our girls’ soccer team, can’t wait for our first game Saturday! Let’s go, Chargers!

20th– That awkward moment when you’ve been waking up all night because you can’t stop coughing or sneezing and you finally manage to get comfortable and are almost asleep when suddenly the box of Kleenex on the bedside table flares up in the breeze from the fan and you’re convinced for a couple of soul-chilling seconds that a small, white ghost is flying towards your face in the dark…

20th– Today is the happiest I’ve been in a long time, because today is THE day… the day I get to wear leggings again. Hello again, hello my friends, helloooo.

23rd– Help, I can’t stop eating croissants. Like, I seriously just ate all the croissants in my house. If I were a dinosaur, I’d be a croissantasaurus.

27th– I did it, guys… I applied for a big kid job. Weird.

OCTOBER

2nd– I just got a suggestion from my LivingSocial deals to get a Pumpkin Cheesecake Enzyme Facial. Don’t enzymes break things down though?? I feel like that sounds like the pumpkin cheesecake is going to eat my face, has the inevitable finally happened and the predator has become the prey? Is our food finally going to start eating us???

3rd– I had a dream last night that I was jumping on a bouncy castle with Amy Poehler, and I really did not want to wake up :(

6th– Did you know that if you really love cats then it is a huge mistake to search “cat clothing” on Etsy?

7th– If the songs of Lifehouse were embodied in a human, I’m pretty sure he’d be the most sensitive, best boyfriend ever.

16th– I don’t care what anyone else thinks, that fox song makes me laugh out loud with genuine joy every time I hear it.

17th– My waiter at lunch today was cute and I’m actually pretty sure he was flirting with me and by halfway through the meal I COULDN’T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT anymore because I was so flustered. This is why I will die alone, people.

22nd– If I was to die by choking on a crescent roll, I would be perfectly fine with that, as long as I got to finish it and it was the last bite I choked on.

29th– I just wanna know Ed Sheeran better.

31st– What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?…… Squash. Hahahahahahaha I can’t stop laughing about this, WHY IS IT SO FUNNY TO ME?!? Happy Halloween, guys…. hahaha

NOVEMBER 

1st– The only thing better about getting up in the morning as opposed to going to sleep at night is that in the morning I don’t have to floss.

3rd– I don’t care that you’re almost double my age and already have a wife, marry me Derek Fisher.

6th– Nothing quite brightens your day like finding one of your cat’s hairs caught in your girl moustache, especially after you realize you’ve already been out in public for two hours. Real self-esteem booster.

9th– Heard a knock at the door and assumed it was Kasey Phipps coming to pick me up, so I answered the door without looking and treated my mail lady to a view of me shirtless. You’re welcome, ma’am.

11th– I am just so thrilled with The Voice this season, every single person I wanted to go on to the Top 12 did. So no matter what, someone I like is going to win– BEST. SEASON. EVER.

12th– There’s two old men behind me at lunch engaged in an intense, heavily detailed discussion of Malteses and it’s pretty much the most hilarious thing ever. Like, one guy just started making whining noises to show the other guy what his dog sounds like.

13th– I moustache you if you have met the newest member of our family, Gustav Mustachio?

15th– Watching Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta and my dad just looks up and goes, “Is that Bruce Jenner? Are we watching Kardashians? What is going on?” Oh, Daddy. What’s going on is the pathetic fact that the most exciting part of my day is watching Friday Bride Day on TLC with my father who hates reality TV shows.

17th– Flossing is such a bittersweet endeavor, because on the one hand you’re like, “Eww I can’t believe this stuff was in my teeth!” but on the other you’re like, “Oooh that stuff is now out of my teeth!”

27th– Me singing to Rae: “Damn you look sexy, let’s go to my yacht in the West Keys, ride my jet skis.” Rachel: “You know, sometimes you sing to me, and I don’t think you really mean it… I don’t think you really have a yacht in the West Keys at all.”

28th– I just applied for a job on Thanksgiving, I’m going to go ahead and assume that my day was more productive than yours…. But just barely though, because I also fell asleep against my own father earlier after eating more food than I have in about two months.

30th– This morning, unexpectedly, my baby dog Cash died in my lap. We raised him from birth, and when my family wanted to sell him (because four dogs are a lot), I just couldn’t stand it, so we kept my sweet boy. We don’t really have many pictures of him, because he was such an active, happy boy, always moving and running around, chasing the ball with his mom Sadie. He was the youngest of our dogs, barely seven, and losing him came out of nowhere. Life really just isn’t fair, and my heart is completely broken.

DECEMBER

4th– I reread my blog post about Cash earlier and cried and then I’ve been playing on Neopets for like an hour and now I’m about to make an omelette at 2:16 in the morning somebody please send help I don’t know what’s happened to my life it’s a bad joke

5th– You know you have Labs when you go outside to break through the inch of ice on their water, and they show up layered in snow with tennis balls and plastic pots they expect you to throw for them to chase.

6th– Me: “Rae, do you know what ChatRoulette is?” Rachel: “Um, red cat. Wait, that’s chat rouge!” …..Guess that answered my question.

18th– A couple weeks ago I was doing the dishes and my daddy walked over to me and handed me one of those round scrubby shower loofahs and asked if I could use it and I told him that I’d take it, and he said that no, he meant can’t I use it to do the dishes, and I said I guess, and when he realized I was confused he said, “Isn’t that what these are for?” And in retrospect, he’s both the cutest but really also a genius, because what’s stopping us from using a shower loofah to do the dishes, really?

19th– I had a dream that I taught Robert De Niro how to “make it rain” with playing cards. Soooo… yep. That was a thing that happened.

21st– It’s 3:30 in the morning, and with one hand I’m reading the current draft of my novel-in-progress with the Kindle app on my phone, and with the other hand I’m twirling around a cat toy for my two cats to chase… this is my life in a nutshell

22nd– After years and years of wanting to go, I’m so happy I FINALLY got to see The Nutcracker with ma mere, it was simply, absolutely amazing! Thank you Momma!! — with Cheryl Munyon Rowe at Oklahoma City Ballet.

24th– “A crummy commercial??? Son of a bitch.” <– Me when there’s a pause in 24 hours of A Christmas Story.

26th– I’m exhausted because I stayed up all night watching the marathon of Pushing Daisies, and the only regret I have is that it ever got cancelled in the first place. Seriously one of the best shows ever made, and I’m still outraged five years later on its behalf.

27th– Three engagement notifications from Facebook…. only further rubbing salt in the wound of Peeta Mellark not being real and the acceptance that I’ll die alone because I’ve set my standards impossibly, fictionally high.

29th– I woke up at 7:30 this morning because my two cats were sprawled on my legs and feet giving each other baths that turned into a fight and I just want to know is this what my future looks like???

31st– From the fortune cookie app on my phone: “If you eat a live toad in the morning, nothing worse can happen to you throughout the day.”
….. I’m so grateful to be armed with this vital life wisdom as I face a new year (even though I highly question the veracity of that statement).

31st– Sending off 2013 with a blog post about my year in review through Facebook statuses… and so, appropriately, I’m going to take this time to announce that I am finally making a Facebook author page for my blogs, which I hope you’ll go like, even as my soul withers silently at the presumptuousness. 

 

Thank you everyone who has read, commented, shared, liked, and just generally supported my blog throughout 2013. It has been a year of enormous changes, with incredible highs and plunging lows, and I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without this blog to express myself. But that’s the thing with life, you never know what you’ll get, and I’m just thankful for the one I have. I’m also thankful for every single one of you– you all are truly what makes doing this worthwhile. I’m wishing you a most wonderful end to 2013, and a fabulous 2014.
Cheers to you!

 

I Got Nominated for an Award, Thank You Marlyn!!

This is a special post, because I got nominated for an award by another blogger! I have seen people post pictures or mentioning different types of awards, but I never really knew much about the whole process. But a wonderful fellow blogger recently introduced me to it when she nominated me for The Versatile Blogger Award!

Yippieeee!!!!

So a huge thank you to Marlyn, who runs a fascinating blog called Kintal where she posts original poems on top of her original artwork. I always love checking out what new, creative thing she has posted, and I am so excited she nominated me!
One of the rules of accepting this award is that you have to nominate 15 other bloggers to receive the award. I feel slightly presumptuous doing so because a lot of the bloggers I am nominating are much more talented and experienced bloggers than I am, but I think it’s wonderful to be able to share their blogs with other people so be sure to check them out.
So here are my 15 nominees!
1. http://olivethepeople.wordpress.com/
2.http://nottakennotavailable.com/
3. http://theverybesttop10.com/
4. http://jesscy.com/
5. http://refashionista.net/
6. http://loveoverlust.wordpress.com/
7. http://vincentmars.com/
8.  http://spemma.wordpress.com/
9. http://everydayinadress.com/
10. http://thefacesbox.wordpress.com/
11. http://anarrowshot.wordpress.com/
12. http://lifemeasuredincoffeespoons.wordpress.com/
13. http://astoldbylaura.wordpress.com/
14. http://christinadangblog.wordpress.com/
15. http://newyorkcliche.com/

And here are the requested rules of this award!

  • Display the Award Certificate on your blog.
  • Announce your win with a post. Make sure you post a link back to me as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
  • Present 15 awards to 15 deserving bloggers.
  • Link them to a post and let them know about the nomination
  • Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

So I guess this only leaves the 7 interesting things about myself?
1. My ears are terribly uneven; my left one sticks out and my right one does not, and I remember which is which with the handy phrase “Lefty loosey, righty tighty.”
2. I have never broken a bone before (keeping my fingers crossed), but I did fracture my skull when I was four.
3. My favorite thing to drink is milk, and I will literally drink it with anything. Seriously, there is not a single food on earth I would not accompany with a glass of milk.
4. I can roar like a lion.
5. I have a genetic disorder where some spots on my skin simply have no pigment, and one of the spots on my right upper leg looks like a surprised ghost:

Slightly risque proof!!!

Slightly risque proof!!!

6. I absolutely love to travel, and I have already been to five countries outside of the US, and I intend to travel to more as soon as possible.
7. I have played soccer in some capacity every year of my life since the age of 3.

So there you go! A huge thanks again to Marlyn for nominating me, and I truly hope you will check out her blog as well as my 15 nominees!!

The Surprisingly Philosophical Beauty of Spam

Hello, Dear Readers.
Since I first began blogging over a year ago on my other blog, I have learned some very valuable lessons about this whole blogging business. One of the most important things I have learned is to edit. Repeatedly. And even when I do that, I will sometimes go back and read a much older post for some reason, cringe when I find an error, and then fix it, even though no one is probably going to read it ever again. So many times I will publish my post, and then read it through before frantically hitting the edit button immediately.

*Me reading my post*: “Hahaha, this is so good, I’m hilariou- wait. DID I SPELL THEIR AS THEY’RE?!?!”

The second is that blogging takes both time and commitment. Maybe some people, either much more talented or much luckier than I, can post two times on WordPress, get Freshly Pressed, and wind up with 1,000 followers in the span of a week. Disappointingly, this has not happened to me. Currently, on my fashion blog I have 38 followers, and on this blog I have 23, and I have celebrated excitedly every single one of those new followers. But I have had my fashion blog for over a year now, and this blog for half a year, and naturally I had hoped that I would have more by this point. But that’s the thing with blogging– for me, I just have to keep trucking, trying to get better with every post, and hoping that I’ll get more popular with every post.
The third is that, while in one day you may have 323 people read your post about why you’d make a great girlfriend, you can still end up with only two comments and one like (from your mother).

“I’m so proud of you!!!”

The point I’m trying to make is that blogging can be a very discouraging endeavor. Lucky for me, I have recently discovered that I have a whole queue of spam comments that WordPress saves for my consideration. What I have also discovered is that the spam that has been left on my wall is surprisingly philosophical. I have found very uplifting encouragement, strangely lyrical insights, juicy tidbits of news, and some truly existential exploration of the world. Today, I will highlight a few of my very favorite examples from the 87 spam comments currently in my spam queue, and take the opportunity to finally address these burningly relevant remarks and questions.

THE KIND

From Rico (1):
This is the perfect site for anyone who wishes to find
out about this topic. You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I really would want to…HaHa).
You definitely put a new spin on a topic that has been discussed for years.
Excellent stuff, just excellent!
Wow, why thank you, Rico (1)!! It’s always nice to know that I’m such an authority you wouldn’t want to argue with me. I also am glad to hear that I am so talented I was able to put a new spin on an old favorite- aka my post about when a tornado almost hit my house. It’s a crowded genre, so it’s so rewarding to hear I’m standing out.

From Alonso Banwarth:
Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is magnificent, let alone the content!. Thanks For Your article about 6 Reasons I Would Make A Really Great Girlfriend Boots and Cats .
Alonso Banwarth, may I just first compliment you on your amazing name? One would almost think it was made up, it’s so awesome. But as to your question, I believe if you look in my archive you can find my first blog post, and that will hopefully answer for you. And while I am not sure that I would consider a post about being a great girlfriend as something so formal as an “article,” your words certainly made me feel reassured in my decision to switch to my current layout a few months ago.

From discount sheath wedding dresses:
I like this website it’s a master piece! Glad I detected this on google.”
Oh, discount sheath wedding dresses. I am so flattered you broke out the word “master piece.” Well, words I guess. But either way, I too am so glad you detected my blog on google.

From nordstrom formal dresses:
I got what you will, thanks for swing up. Woh I am gladsome to gain this website through google. Thanks For Share Adult web Step into this.”
Can I quickly mention I’m both surprised and excited at the positive attention I am receiving from the dress world? Really uplifting news. As for your comment, I’m guessing that perhaps English is not your first language? I cannot say I am 100% getting what you’re throwing down, but it seems like a compliment, if with a hint of “Adult web” dodginess. But I am just really pumped to see another person gaining this website through google. Woh I am gladsome for google!

From email Templates outlook 2010:
It is not my first time to visit this site, i am visiting this site dailly and obtain nice facts from here every day.”
A daily visitor?! YESSSS. I didn’t even know there were really facts on here, but if you think it’s nice and want to obtain them, then by all means, go crazy! You’ve helped me see what a valid, credible source of facts I am. (I am assuming you’re using them in your emails?)

From powiększanie penisa:
Fantastic items from you, man. I’ve take into account your stuff previous to and you’re simply too fantastic.
I really like what you have received here, certainly like what you are stating and the best way through
which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care
of to keep it wise. I cant wait to learn much more from you.
That is really a tremendous web site.
Gosh, man, you’ve really got me flustered here! This is probably one of the most thoughtful, original compliments I have received on this site. Gosh, I am glad you like what I am stating and the best way through which I say it, though perhaps “best way” is overstating it a little. I will treasure this, Mr. (Ms.?) Penisa.

From impotencja:
Wonderful goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just too fantastic. I really like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you are saying and the way in which you say it.
You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it smart.
I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is really a wonderful site.
Aw, shucks, man…. Wait. Does this sound, like, maybe a little bit like the previous comment. I mean, I don’t want to rag on your positive words, but… did you just like copy Mr. Penisa.
Hold on. Penisa. Impotencja. Why does that seem odd to me?

From Under Armour Highlight Cleats:
This blog was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found
something that helped me. Appreciate it!”
I am honored to be of service. I am so glad that you found my post about someone mistaking me as a man and then eating half a pizza to be relevant to the subject of cleats. Or to be relevant to a cleat? Are you a cleat? Or do you just represent the company that makes one? Either way, I would like to suggest that when it comes to the word “relevant’ I do not think that word means what you think that it means. Perhaps you might continue looking for another way to say it.

From chwilowka na dowod:
These are in fact wonderful ideas in concerning blogging.
You have touched some fastidious factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.”
I love these exotic names I’m seeing on here, that must mean I have an international appeal, even to more fastidious readers. It’s reassuring to know I have some factors in my wrinting that people want to see more of.

From najlepsze chwilowki:
Yes! Finally something about chwilowka na dowod.”
Your enthusiasm for my blog increases my enthusiasm! Curiously, however, a search of my blog revealed that I was right when I could not remember ever blogging about chwilowka na dowod. Considering I did not even know what that was, I would have been surprised to find I blogged about. I am desolated to point out that the only chwilowka na dowod on my blog is actually from the commenter just above you there, so perhaps you might check them out instead.

From Biuro rachunkowe Szczecin alfa:
Incredible! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Great choice of colors!
Thanks! I do not mean to sound condescending, but can I point out that my layout is one of the free ones available to all WordPress users? It might look the same because it is the same. Of course, it could just be a coincidence!

THE POETIC

From homepage:
An area around the ground where a cesspool complies underneath
may wind up raised or compressed. Discharge of waste to rivers may be
outlawed.
Almost like a haiku in its concise simplicity, this comment is an elegant and astute observation on the battle between industry and environment.

From car hire manchester airport:
The years of socks, perfume and chocolates have been close to
for some clip and those cars they offer are all readily useable in their website.
An inside look at the world of consumerism from somebody working in the cutthroat industry of car hiring in Manchester Airport.

From Bettie:
No matter if some one searches for his necessary thing, so
he/she needs to be available that in detail,
therefore that thing is maintained over here.”
Whoever this Bettie is, I believe she is wasting a truly existential talent for challenging us to think about what’s inside of us all. So beautifully zen… This belongs in an anthology, not on a WordPress comment.

From quick pay day loans:
Essentially it is intentional to be as mere
as possible for the steadfast job and earning
a level-headed germ of income.
This is a frightening piece that really strikes home to me, the young, new graduate searching for a worthwhile, fulfilling job. To be mere as possible?? A germ of income?! I can only read this as an ironic warning against settling for some steadfast, level-headed job and to pursue my dreams instead, so I don’t end up as being mere!

From Loretta:
Truly no matter if someone doesn’t be aware of then its up to other people that they will help, so here it occurs.
Loretta, you and Bettie should seriously get together and write a book of poetry that addresses finding yourself and learning to be a good, kind human being.

THE… UMMM…. JUST READ THEM

From cash loans today:
When you take all the in a higher place into consideration it is no birthday belt in October and early pics on a unconstipated basis.
new payday lenders Borrowers motive the services provided by visto la mayor?
a de los episodios de la nueva serie de HBO Girls.”
Yep. They said unconstipated. In other news, where can I get a birthday belt? My birthday is in August, not October, so hopefully there’s no problem with availability then. I’m picturing birthday belts as very similar to Batman’s utility belt, except they have like confetti and birthday cake and a different present in every compartment.
….. Dear lord, that’s actually a brilliant idea. I AM TRADEMARKING THAT NOW, DO NOT STEAL MY IDEA.

From online payday loan:
Would like to get the fund throughwithout any dogfight, you
demand to fulfill some at one man’s journey to build a malarky farm off the shores of Mantle Cod. They want responsible for governing body and admirer and a buff at the same fourth dimension so choose one.”
So I was totally with you on avoiding the dogfight, and definitely on the malarky farm thing, even if I’m not sure where Mantle Cod is. I’m just assuming that a malarky farm is a place that produces Peeta Mellarks, and I honestly cannot imagine anything better. In fact, TRADEMARKING THAT TOO, BACK OFF. However, I am very confused with your last sentence and I’m not even sure what my options are and I AM FEELING REALLY PRESSURED AND I CAN’T CHOOSE ONE.

From contract car hire:
assorted studies show that an optimistic believed, believed, believed.
malaga car hire Miletski does not see Accession to fluid email, your telephone set understands German, and “Yip” is a
verb okay, actually Yelping is a verb.”
Okay, I really like this one. I’m not sure who needed a study, much less assorted ones, to discover that the optimistic “believed, believed, believed” since that is kind of the definition of being optimistic. But then you really provided me with some helpful information in telling me that my telephone understands German (I am SO going to try and speak German on my next speech to text message), and then you completely disarmed me with your wry, rueful admittance that it is yelping, not yip, that is actually a verb.

From http://www.easycarhireuk.co.uk/:
Should Red felons garlic clove and put it in your backtalk.
hire a car neither trice nor Silverlight are currently supported on pages,
and as anyone with an iPhone can offend, it ceases to exist.
“”Censorship reflects a order’s lack of self-confidence in itself.
I honestly cannot stop laughing long enough to talk about this. I really can’t. I am in tears. If you have a problem with that, you just take your Red felons garlic clove and put it right in your backtalk. After all, censorship reflects poorly on us all.

And last, but obviously not least–
MY FAVORITE SPAM COMMENT

From education blog:
Today, I went to the beach with my children. I found a sea shell and gave
it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed.
There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but
I had to tell someone!
Honestly, this just speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Whether this is spam, or really just some doting parent stymied from sharing the hilarious hijinks and mishaps of raising children (perhaps for fear of child abuse charges? Hermit crab pinches really hurt), this is still the best anecdote that has ever been surreptitiously and randomly dropped into my lap. And if it is spam, I applaud you. You are clearly the funniest Spambot of all time, and can spam me anytime you like.

Your name is Kommentár Nélkül? Have you possibly been leaving comments on my blog?

Thanks, spam. You have learned me a level-headed car hire lesson about detecting with google my cesspool of prejudice and tendency to judge spam without reading it. Your encouraging, thoughtful financial loan remarks have unconstipated the blinders from my eyes, and I hope a hermit crab pinches my ear if I am ever so shallow again.
Penisa impotencja. 

Just A Brief Word About “Snippets”

Helloooo, Readers.
I meant to post about this sooner, but I have sadly been without power for four of the past five days thanks to the storms. I was gettin’ reeeal tired of putting on makeup in the dark, but thankfully my power was restored this evening.
Today I would like to inform you of something different I am going to start doing on my blog. Obviously, I really enjoy sharing my life with you guys, and all the silly, random, strange, and wonderful things that happen in it. However, I am also a pretty dedicated writer, and I love to write prose and poetry as well. So starting now, I will be interspersing my regular blog posts with more artistic pieces I am calling “Snippets.” These will be short entries, and they can be either fiction or non-fiction, over any topic under the sun. I am doing this partially for my enjoyment, and partially just to encourage myself to practice more on what I consider to be my chosen craft. I cannot promise they will be interesting, or enjoyable, or even worthwhile. But writing is my passion, and I both want and need to do this.
Each snippet will be titled as such, with a corresponding number, ie “Snippet One”. I plan to categorize them only as snippets.
I am also thinking about doing something similar with some of my old poetry. I used to write it prolifically but rarely do nowadays. I might begin by posting some of my old favorites and seeing what you guys think of them. Then again, maybe I will chicken out and not do it haha.
So look for my very first snippet very soon, it’s already written and waiting. It just happens that I ate three of the brownies my mom made tonight while still standing at the stove, without getting a plate or anything. I need time to digest both the brownies and the shame before I throw an original composition out there, but it will be up shortly.
Hope you guys are as excited as I am, but not as terrified haha.

Mae fy hofrenfad yn llawn llyswennod,
Sara

PS Oh my god, guys, this website keeps coming up when I search for ways to say goodbye in different languages, and it keeps offering me ways to say “My hovercraft is full of eels” in various languages. I just really hope this is the legit way to say that in Welsh, my language of choice for the evening.

The Weekend Where I Thought I Broke My Nose and Then Was Almost Eaten By Termites

Hello, Dear Readers.
I’ve had an interesting past few days, and I’d like to share them with you.
But first, something I’d like to address. You might notice that I have changed the theme of my page. I was reading back over some of my posts, and the first thing I realized is that my font was really small and really difficult to read. So I decided to find a new theme layout, and fell in love with this one. It’s cleaner, bigger, and much easier to read. Burgundy also happens to be my favorite color, so it really seemed ideal. It also just felt right to revamp the blog, just as I’m revamping my life after graduating college. It’s a good time for changes, I think. The second thing I noticed is that I have a tendency to write soooo much in each post. That’s not exactly news to me, because I’ve always had a problem of writing way too much. Any time I had to write essays in school, I always struggled to keep it under the word count and always had to go back and take out chunks. I recently read an article about blogging talking about how important readability is for success, including layout and conciseness of your writing. The author pointed out that it’s one thing to write a long post when you have a big, loyal following, but for aspiring bloggers it’s important to draw readers in by not overwhelming them. So from now on, I’m going to try and write shorter posts, but more often. Also, I’m going to try and add more pictures, because pictures are fun. So with that in mind, I will attempt a brief sketch of the eventful past few days I’ve had.
On Saturday I had an indoor soccer game. Things started out great; we were winning, scoring goals left and right. I even scored a goal, so I was pretty excited. And then, the other team scored. And scored again. And then scored again. Suddenly, they couldn’t stop scoring and we couldn’t score at all. Time starts winding down, the other team went ahead, and a game we’d been winning the majority of the time was suddenly becoming an opportunity to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Now, just a note, I generally am pretty laid back when I play indoor. After all, it’s just something I do for fun that allows me to keep playing the sport I love without any pressure. In keeping with that attitude, I’m not going to go into tackles incredibly hard or throw my body around or generally put myself into situations where I could get hurt. I sprained my knee a few years ago doing that (I didn’t even know you could sprain your knee until I did so) and since then I’ve tried to take it easier and not put myself at risk. It’s just unnecessary.
Okay, back to the game. So imagine the situation– we were down after leading most of the game, nothing was going right, and it seemed like out of nowhere, time was almost up and there was no way for us to come back. When I used to play soccer, in situations like that, when times got desperate, I would get very angry and very serious, and I would start running around trying to tackle the ball away from anyone on the other team who had it.

Actual picture evidence.

Always with a violently angry look on my face.

In my indoor game on Saturday, I found that place again. Something happened and the ball got kicked up into the air. It was what we call a 50/50 ball, in that both teams had an equal chance of winning it. I saw a girl from the other team tensing to jump up to head it, and suddenly I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I decided to go up for the header, too.
Now, I am 5 feet, 2 inches. Well, technically it’s only 1 and 3/4 inches, but I round to 2 because that just sounds ridiculous. I rarely, if ever, go for headers, especially against someone else.

This is how I usually react to heading opportunities-- like a turtle retracting into my own shell.

This is how I usually react to heading opportunities– like a turtle retracting into my own shell.

It’s pretty much inevitable that they are going to be taller and will win the header by default. But for some reason, in my angry, frustrated rage, I thought I could win a header from a girl who was probably half a foot taller than me. It was just going to be glorious; I was going to fly through the air, win the ball, and turn around and somehow score, to the awe of every person in the arena. It was going to be magnificent:

Like this.

Like this.

So I jumped.
I don’t know what happened in the approximately 1-2 seconds that process took (it was nothing like in that picture, though). I only regained awareness when I was leaned over with my hands on my knees, nose throbbing, seeing the other girl laying on the ground nearby. I hear one of my teammates say, “Sara, your nose is bleeding,” and I realize that I’m dripping blood on the field. I hadn’t had a bloody nose since I was 8, so I was a little surprised to discover I was having one.   I quickly cupped my hand under my nose and dazedly started walking towards the box. The adrenaline was such that I couldn’t really feel much, and I was simply busy being proud of myself for going for a header, and then for not falling down after it went horribly wrong. Apparently, we both went for the header and missed. I ended up hitting my nose on her head.

Probably similar to this, except with a larger height disparity.

Probably similar to this, except with a larger height disparity.

A few minutes later, as I stood in the bathroom watching my blood run down the sink, adrenaline started wearing off and terrible pain kicked in. We were afraid I’d broken my nose, which was swollen and throbbing. Everyone was very concerned, and I was secretly impressed with myself and looking forward to being able to say, sounding all tough and cool, “Yeah, I broke my nose one time.” You see, I’d never broken any bones at all, and I thought my nose was going to be a pretty badass first one to recount. Sadly when I went to the doctor, he told me it was probably just a nasal contusion (aka a really bad bruise) on the bridge of my nose. My hopes were dashed, and all I had to show for it was an incredibly sore nose and a strange problem where I suddenly caught some kind of sneezing disease. It was very inconvenient, and very painful.
The next day we went out of town for my dad’s birthday, which was on Monday. The hotel we stayed at was the site of the next unusual incident I experienced. I was laying in bed Sunday night, and I noticed that there was a bug in my bed. I didn’t think much of it, because the motel was built like old style ones where there’s only one floor and  you just park in front of your door. I figured it’d just flew in at some point when someone was coming through the door. The next morning, in my stupor, I woke up and there was another bug on my pillow. I brushed it off, and went back to sleep. A few minutes later, I felt something crawling in my hair. I sat up, concerned now, and realized there were four or five bugs in my bed. I got out of bed, truly alarmed, and we came to realize that there was a termite infestation in one of the corners of our room’s ceiling (the one right above my bed, of course). Absolutely horrified, we got our stuff together as fast as we could so we could leave. Eventually, my bed looked like this:

All those little black spots... termites.

All those little black spots… termites.

Turns out that no one was supposed to be put in our room and that they had planned to fumigate it the next day. The people were super apologetic and refunded everything, as well as giving us a free night’s stay, so that was nice at least. I’m not particularly squeamish about bugs, except spiders, but it’s going to take me awhile to get over the feel of waking up with termites in my hair. My scalp is itching right now, in fact, so I’m going to wrap it up.
I don’t think I did a good job being concise, so I apologize. But I promise I’ll try better next time!

Adeus,
Sara

PS According to Google Translate, I just said goodbye in Portuguese, which is the official language of Brazil. In case you didn’t know, that is where the upcoming World Cup will be, so I thought it appropriate for my post about almost breaking my nose playing soccer.