The Surprisingly Philosophical Beauty of Spam

Hello, Dear Readers.
Since I first began blogging over a year ago on my other blog, I have learned some very valuable lessons about this whole blogging business. One of the most important things I have learned is to edit. Repeatedly. And even when I do that, I will sometimes go back and read a much older post for some reason, cringe when I find an error, and then fix it, even though no one is probably going to read it ever again. So many times I will publish my post, and then read it through before frantically hitting the edit button immediately.

*Me reading my post*: “Hahaha, this is so good, I’m hilariou- wait. DID I SPELL THEIR AS THEY’RE?!?!”

The second is that blogging takes both time and commitment. Maybe some people, either much more talented or much luckier than I, can post two times on WordPress, get Freshly Pressed, and wind up with 1,000 followers in the span of a week. Disappointingly, this has not happened to me. Currently, on my fashion blog I have 38 followers, and on this blog I have 23, and I have celebrated excitedly every single one of those new followers. But I have had my fashion blog for over a year now, and this blog for half a year, and naturally I had hoped that I would have more by this point. But that’s the thing with blogging– for me, I just have to keep trucking, trying to get better with every post, and hoping that I’ll get more popular with every post.
The third is that, while in one day you may have 323 people read your post about why you’d make a great girlfriend, you can still end up with only two comments and one like (from your mother).

“I’m so proud of you!!!”

The point I’m trying to make is that blogging can be a very discouraging endeavor. Lucky for me, I have recently discovered that I have a whole queue of spam comments that WordPress saves for my consideration. What I have also discovered is that the spam that has been left on my wall is surprisingly philosophical. I have found very uplifting encouragement, strangely lyrical insights, juicy tidbits of news, and some truly existential exploration of the world. Today, I will highlight a few of my very favorite examples from the 87 spam comments currently in my spam queue, and take the opportunity to finally address these burningly relevant remarks and questions.

THE KIND

From Rico (1):
This is the perfect site for anyone who wishes to find
out about this topic. You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I really would want to…HaHa).
You definitely put a new spin on a topic that has been discussed for years.
Excellent stuff, just excellent!
Wow, why thank you, Rico (1)!! It’s always nice to know that I’m such an authority you wouldn’t want to argue with me. I also am glad to hear that I am so talented I was able to put a new spin on an old favorite- aka my post about when a tornado almost hit my house. It’s a crowded genre, so it’s so rewarding to hear I’m standing out.

From Alonso Banwarth:
Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is magnificent, let alone the content!. Thanks For Your article about 6 Reasons I Would Make A Really Great Girlfriend Boots and Cats .
Alonso Banwarth, may I just first compliment you on your amazing name? One would almost think it was made up, it’s so awesome. But as to your question, I believe if you look in my archive you can find my first blog post, and that will hopefully answer for you. And while I am not sure that I would consider a post about being a great girlfriend as something so formal as an “article,” your words certainly made me feel reassured in my decision to switch to my current layout a few months ago.

From discount sheath wedding dresses:
I like this website it’s a master piece! Glad I detected this on google.”
Oh, discount sheath wedding dresses. I am so flattered you broke out the word “master piece.” Well, words I guess. But either way, I too am so glad you detected my blog on google.

From nordstrom formal dresses:
I got what you will, thanks for swing up. Woh I am gladsome to gain this website through google. Thanks For Share Adult web Step into this.”
Can I quickly mention I’m both surprised and excited at the positive attention I am receiving from the dress world? Really uplifting news. As for your comment, I’m guessing that perhaps English is not your first language? I cannot say I am 100% getting what you’re throwing down, but it seems like a compliment, if with a hint of “Adult web” dodginess. But I am just really pumped to see another person gaining this website through google. Woh I am gladsome for google!

From email Templates outlook 2010:
It is not my first time to visit this site, i am visiting this site dailly and obtain nice facts from here every day.”
A daily visitor?! YESSSS. I didn’t even know there were really facts on here, but if you think it’s nice and want to obtain them, then by all means, go crazy! You’ve helped me see what a valid, credible source of facts I am. (I am assuming you’re using them in your emails?)

From powiększanie penisa:
Fantastic items from you, man. I’ve take into account your stuff previous to and you’re simply too fantastic.
I really like what you have received here, certainly like what you are stating and the best way through
which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care
of to keep it wise. I cant wait to learn much more from you.
That is really a tremendous web site.
Gosh, man, you’ve really got me flustered here! This is probably one of the most thoughtful, original compliments I have received on this site. Gosh, I am glad you like what I am stating and the best way through which I say it, though perhaps “best way” is overstating it a little. I will treasure this, Mr. (Ms.?) Penisa.

From impotencja:
Wonderful goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just too fantastic. I really like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you are saying and the way in which you say it.
You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it smart.
I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is really a wonderful site.
Aw, shucks, man…. Wait. Does this sound, like, maybe a little bit like the previous comment. I mean, I don’t want to rag on your positive words, but… did you just like copy Mr. Penisa.
Hold on. Penisa. Impotencja. Why does that seem odd to me?

From Under Armour Highlight Cleats:
This blog was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found
something that helped me. Appreciate it!”
I am honored to be of service. I am so glad that you found my post about someone mistaking me as a man and then eating half a pizza to be relevant to the subject of cleats. Or to be relevant to a cleat? Are you a cleat? Or do you just represent the company that makes one? Either way, I would like to suggest that when it comes to the word “relevant’ I do not think that word means what you think that it means. Perhaps you might continue looking for another way to say it.

From chwilowka na dowod:
These are in fact wonderful ideas in concerning blogging.
You have touched some fastidious factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.”
I love these exotic names I’m seeing on here, that must mean I have an international appeal, even to more fastidious readers. It’s reassuring to know I have some factors in my wrinting that people want to see more of.

From najlepsze chwilowki:
Yes! Finally something about chwilowka na dowod.”
Your enthusiasm for my blog increases my enthusiasm! Curiously, however, a search of my blog revealed that I was right when I could not remember ever blogging about chwilowka na dowod. Considering I did not even know what that was, I would have been surprised to find I blogged about. I am desolated to point out that the only chwilowka na dowod on my blog is actually from the commenter just above you there, so perhaps you might check them out instead.

From Biuro rachunkowe Szczecin alfa:
Incredible! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Great choice of colors!
Thanks! I do not mean to sound condescending, but can I point out that my layout is one of the free ones available to all WordPress users? It might look the same because it is the same. Of course, it could just be a coincidence!

THE POETIC

From homepage:
An area around the ground where a cesspool complies underneath
may wind up raised or compressed. Discharge of waste to rivers may be
outlawed.
Almost like a haiku in its concise simplicity, this comment is an elegant and astute observation on the battle between industry and environment.

From car hire manchester airport:
The years of socks, perfume and chocolates have been close to
for some clip and those cars they offer are all readily useable in their website.
An inside look at the world of consumerism from somebody working in the cutthroat industry of car hiring in Manchester Airport.

From Bettie:
No matter if some one searches for his necessary thing, so
he/she needs to be available that in detail,
therefore that thing is maintained over here.”
Whoever this Bettie is, I believe she is wasting a truly existential talent for challenging us to think about what’s inside of us all. So beautifully zen… This belongs in an anthology, not on a WordPress comment.

From quick pay day loans:
Essentially it is intentional to be as mere
as possible for the steadfast job and earning
a level-headed germ of income.
This is a frightening piece that really strikes home to me, the young, new graduate searching for a worthwhile, fulfilling job. To be mere as possible?? A germ of income?! I can only read this as an ironic warning against settling for some steadfast, level-headed job and to pursue my dreams instead, so I don’t end up as being mere!

From Loretta:
Truly no matter if someone doesn’t be aware of then its up to other people that they will help, so here it occurs.
Loretta, you and Bettie should seriously get together and write a book of poetry that addresses finding yourself and learning to be a good, kind human being.

THE… UMMM…. JUST READ THEM

From cash loans today:
When you take all the in a higher place into consideration it is no birthday belt in October and early pics on a unconstipated basis.
new payday lenders Borrowers motive the services provided by visto la mayor?
a de los episodios de la nueva serie de HBO Girls.”
Yep. They said unconstipated. In other news, where can I get a birthday belt? My birthday is in August, not October, so hopefully there’s no problem with availability then. I’m picturing birthday belts as very similar to Batman’s utility belt, except they have like confetti and birthday cake and a different present in every compartment.
….. Dear lord, that’s actually a brilliant idea. I AM TRADEMARKING THAT NOW, DO NOT STEAL MY IDEA.

From online payday loan:
Would like to get the fund throughwithout any dogfight, you
demand to fulfill some at one man’s journey to build a malarky farm off the shores of Mantle Cod. They want responsible for governing body and admirer and a buff at the same fourth dimension so choose one.”
So I was totally with you on avoiding the dogfight, and definitely on the malarky farm thing, even if I’m not sure where Mantle Cod is. I’m just assuming that a malarky farm is a place that produces Peeta Mellarks, and I honestly cannot imagine anything better. In fact, TRADEMARKING THAT TOO, BACK OFF. However, I am very confused with your last sentence and I’m not even sure what my options are and I AM FEELING REALLY PRESSURED AND I CAN’T CHOOSE ONE.

From contract car hire:
assorted studies show that an optimistic believed, believed, believed.
malaga car hire Miletski does not see Accession to fluid email, your telephone set understands German, and “Yip” is a
verb okay, actually Yelping is a verb.”
Okay, I really like this one. I’m not sure who needed a study, much less assorted ones, to discover that the optimistic “believed, believed, believed” since that is kind of the definition of being optimistic. But then you really provided me with some helpful information in telling me that my telephone understands German (I am SO going to try and speak German on my next speech to text message), and then you completely disarmed me with your wry, rueful admittance that it is yelping, not yip, that is actually a verb.

From http://www.easycarhireuk.co.uk/:
Should Red felons garlic clove and put it in your backtalk.
hire a car neither trice nor Silverlight are currently supported on pages,
and as anyone with an iPhone can offend, it ceases to exist.
“”Censorship reflects a order’s lack of self-confidence in itself.
I honestly cannot stop laughing long enough to talk about this. I really can’t. I am in tears. If you have a problem with that, you just take your Red felons garlic clove and put it right in your backtalk. After all, censorship reflects poorly on us all.

And last, but obviously not least–
MY FAVORITE SPAM COMMENT

From education blog:
Today, I went to the beach with my children. I found a sea shell and gave
it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed.
There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but
I had to tell someone!
Honestly, this just speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Whether this is spam, or really just some doting parent stymied from sharing the hilarious hijinks and mishaps of raising children (perhaps for fear of child abuse charges? Hermit crab pinches really hurt), this is still the best anecdote that has ever been surreptitiously and randomly dropped into my lap. And if it is spam, I applaud you. You are clearly the funniest Spambot of all time, and can spam me anytime you like.

Your name is Kommentár Nélkül? Have you possibly been leaving comments on my blog?

Thanks, spam. You have learned me a level-headed car hire lesson about detecting with google my cesspool of prejudice and tendency to judge spam without reading it. Your encouraging, thoughtful financial loan remarks have unconstipated the blinders from my eyes, and I hope a hermit crab pinches my ear if I am ever so shallow again.
Penisa impotencja. 

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6 comments on “The Surprisingly Philosophical Beauty of Spam

  1. Kayla says:

    I was laughing so hard I was crying and I was at work so that was embarrassing.

  2. SkyeCloud says:

    Thanks for making me look like a maniac at work… ;)

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